Sol's Inner Vault

When necessary, reread this to remind yourself about what's real. You are not a job, or money, or no money. You're not a car or any other possession. You're not a bank account, bills, or, receipts. You're not anything online, offline, or out of line. You're not just a head full of thoughts and worries. You're not whatever you fear or daydream about. You're not any of these small and transitory things.  You are a DNA unique human, aware and conscious, living your life day by day, hour by hour. You are perfectly created by the universe, in spite of your faults. You are a loved member of a family that includes your parents, other relatives, and your family of friends, roommates, neighbors, everyone who values and cares about your well being and person. All the other distractions in the first part are easy to get sucked into, to identify with, to define yourself by, but so inaccurately. You don't need to define anything, you already are defined by your chara...

Our mom Rachel passed early this morning, peaceably, with family. She was 98. Now she is in heaven with father. There will be more to say about her extraordinary life, and how she inspired everyone. Thanks to all my friends for your support these past months, it helped me immensely through this difficult time.

Consider this: All humans are 99.9% similar to one another in the part of the human genome that codes for proteins. In equivalent areas of the genome, we are 98.8% genetically similar to chimpanzees, 75% similar to chickens, and even 60% similar to banana trees.  Somehow, I find these well-known facts of research oddly reassuring. The universe knows what to do. I'll take the afternoon off, walk my dog, make a sandwich for lunch, with a banana. There's no actual existential drama, except by my own anxious invention.

No-Limit Hold'em. Another blessed week with mom, a few days remaining. Each visit, the reality no less heartbreaking, the erosion more advanced and self-evident. But, we are both determined that it doesn't lessen the quality of our time together.  After breakfast, we watched a Discovery program about whales, one determined scientist's long-term research with some very sociable sperm whales. A sub-theme of this documentary was the notion that all creatures seek relationship, how that is an intrinsic definition of life itself.  This story must have resonated deeply with my mom, as she was fully entranced the entire hour, asking many questions. What do they eat, how do they breathe, have their babies? How do they cling so tightly to their roving family pods for an entire lifetime?   Later, we got out the chips for a little friendly poker. We had a lively chat again about the whale show, how super strong the bonds of relationships can be. Maybe the most powerful experien...