Dreading New Year

Maybe think too much, yes? Who else secretly dreads New Year? Maybe no one, maybe only me. No reason for it, it's irrational, like other inexplicable impulses that come without clue, just feel it, stupid, phantom algorithms. 

And, it always comes up too fast after Christmas. So, why am I shvitzing about another year's routine end? What else could it mean? Just the cruel anxiety of appraisals? Annual accounts summary, tally of net losses and gains. But, life isn't a spreadsheet. 

Yup, also had the typical New Year's. The joyous celebrations, the crowds, drinks, loud countdowns in taverns, friends homes, parties and such. There have been those New Years, too, no mourning, no big introspection. 

Celebrating endings and new starts, it can be as simple as that, a custom or ritual, a dance to acknowledge time. But, the year's failures can weigh more than a number, while successes seem light, not enough good to cheer about. But, that's what I always think no matter what, so is it ever even true? Maybe think too much, yes? 

Our most capable twenty year old son is on his own now, in another town, so far so good. We miss him a ton, but we're getting use to the new routine. And, we still have my amazing mom. So then, how lucky am I? What else matters? Forget the manic mental math, I've still never used the algebra I sweated over. Happy New Year to all.