Purpose

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I don't know what I'm doing when I pray. Don't know if anyone is listening or cares. All I really know is what I want to be true, that there is a just God in charge, already knowing all of our prayers, always on the job, running the universe with order and purpose. Don't really know what praying does, or why I pray.

But I pray.

Who can ever figure out the future, thinking as much as we do about what hasn't happened yet, guessing outcomes as if we could? Why daydream and imagine, as if we really have any control? At night, my mind dreams on, but the future remains unknowable. So, don't really know why I dream.

But I dream.

The fears can be paralizing now, world exploding, cultures colliding, technology ruling, and we're raising a teen. The fears have no name or face sometimes, only something out there, coming who knows when. So, I don't really know why I fear.

But I fear.

Easier when we're younger, since everything is new, to be curious, full of questions and yearning for answers. I wonder in spite of never knowing enough, the universe too vast and mysterious. So, don't really know why I wonder.  

But I wonder.

And, why risk disappointment by reaching for stars, falling short and feeling crushed? You would think we would learn by now. Hoping for a better life for our children, as if hope were a well-known, secret currency of the soul, spendable yet replenished, along with our desires. So, I don't really know why I hope.

But I hope.

So, although I don't really know why, I still hope, and wonder, and fear, and dream, and pray.

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